Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
two words: eviction party
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
