I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Im just a social blackout drinker.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
