i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
