Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
