Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
