We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
