Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize