If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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