i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
