So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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