Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize