i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You are the jesus of drinking
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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