how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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