What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Im part way to drunk.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
