Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
