New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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