Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize