so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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