We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
