Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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