8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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