One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
