Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
