great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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