At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
