it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize