nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
