R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
