it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
