I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I will die if light touches me.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
