my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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