Apparently you make a good broom.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
3 2 1 whiskey
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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