people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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