clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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