my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
