i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
