i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
