Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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