dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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