You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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