i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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