I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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