what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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