He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
