just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
