I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize