So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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