Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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