please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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