I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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