just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
