so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
