I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
