Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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