She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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