Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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