Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
