Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
