Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
